Englische Sketche
Sammlung von witzigen Bühnenszenen, spielbare Sketche in englischer Sprache
Sketche für zwei Personen
Aus dem Englischunterricht
| Darsteller(in) | Text |
|---|---|
| Pupils: | „Good morning, Mr. Teacher!“ |
| Teacher: | „Good morning boys. Sit down please. What about your homework? Well, Christian, where is your homework, please?“ |
| Christian: | „Oh, sorry, I left it in the school bus.“ |
| Teacher: | „Mmh, well, then -, Jakob, what about your homework?“ |
| Jakob: | „Oh, sorry, I left my pencil at school. So, I couldn’t do my homework.“ |
| Teacher: | „Mmh, well, Fabian, what about your homework?“ |
| Fabian: | „Oh, sorry, I can’t find my exercise book. Where is my exercise book?“ |
| Teacher: | „Mmh, well, Harun, what about your homework?“ |
| Harun: | „Oh, sorry, I left my school bag at school, yesterday.“ I have no homework.“ |
| Teacher: | „Ah, well, Sergej, what about your homework?“ |
| Sergej: | „Oh, sorry, I’ve lost my pencil case. I could not write one word at home.“ |
| Teacher: | „Ah, well, Alex, what about your homework?“ |
| Alex: | „Oh, sorry, it was my sister’s birthday. So I couldn’t do my homework. |
| Teacher: | „Ah, well, Viktor, what about your homework?“ |
| Viktor: | „Oh, sorry, my Mum always says: „Clean your room!“ So I couldn’t do my homework.“ |
| Teacher: | „Ah, well, Lucas, what about your homework?“ |
| Lucas: | „Oh, sorry, my pen was empty. So I couldn’t write my homework.“ |
| Teacher: | „Ah, well, Daniel, tell me: What was your homework for today?“ |
| Daniel: | „Our homework was this: We had to find a good excuse, why we have done no homework.“ |
Detailansicht | Kommentar verfassen
Dinner for One
| Darsteller(in) | Text |
|---|---|
| James: | Good evening, Miss Sophie, good evening. |
| Miss Sophie: | Good evening, James. |
| James: | You are looking very well this evening, Miss Sophie. |
| Miss Sophie: | Well, I am feeling very much better, thank you, James. |
| James: | Good, good. |
| Miss Sophie: | Well, I must say that everything looks nice. |
| James: | Thank you very much, Miss Sophie, thank you. |
| Miss Sophie: | Is everybody here? |
| James: | Indeed, they are, yeah. Yes...They are all here for your anniversary, Miss Sophie. |
| Miss Sophie: | All five places are laid out? |
| James: | All laid out as usual. |
| Miss Sophie: | Sir Toby? |
| James: | Sir Toby, yes, he's sitting here this year, Miss Sophie. |
| Miss Sophie: | Admiral von Schneider? |
| James: | Admiral von Schneider is sitting here, Miss Sophie. |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Pommeroy? |
| James: | Mr. Pommeroy I put round here for you. |
| Miss Sophie: | And my very dear friend, Mr. Winterbottom? |
| James: | On your right, as you requested, Miss Sophie! |
| Miss Sophie: | Thank you, James. You may now serve the soup. |
| James: | The soup, thank you very much, Miss Sophie, thank you. They are all waiting for you. Little drop of mulligatawny soup, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | I am particularly fond of mulligatawny soup, James. |
| James: | Yes, I know you are. |
| Miss Sophie: | I think we'll have sherry with the soup. |
| James: | Sherry with the soup, yes... Oh, by the way, the same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | Same procedure as every year, James. |
| James: | Same procedure as every year, James... |
| Miss Sophie: | Is that a dry sherry, James? |
| James: | Yes, a very dry sherry, Miss Sophie... very dry. Straight out of the cellar, this morning, Miss Sophie. |
| Miss Sophie: | Sir Toby! |
| James: | Cheerio, Miss Sophie! |
| Miss Sophie: | Admiral von Schneider! |
| James: | Ad... Must I say it this year, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | Just to please me, James. |
| James: | Just to please you. Very good, yes, yes... Skol! |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Pommeroy! |
| James: | Happy New Year, Sophie! |
| Miss Sophie: | And dear Mr. Winterbottom! |
| James: | Well, here we are again, old lovely... |
| Miss Sophie: | You may now serve the fish. |
| James: | Fish. Very good, Miss Sophie. Did you enjoy the soup? |
| Miss Sophie: | Delicious, James. |
| James: | Thank you, Miss Sophie, glad you enjoyed it. Little bit of North Sea haddock, Miss Sophie. |
| Miss Sophie: | I think we'll have white wine with the fish. |
| James: | White wine with the fish? The same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | The same procedure as every year, James! |
| James: | Yeah... |
| Miss Sophie: | Sir Toby! |
| James: | Cheerio, Miss Sophie, me gal... |
| Miss Sophie: | Admiral von Schneider! |
| James: | Oh, must I, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | James, please, please... |
| James: | Skol! |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Pommeroy! |
| James: | Happy New Year, Sophie gal! |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Winterbottom! |
| James: | You look younger than ever, love! Younger than ever! Ha, ha, ha... |
| Miss Sophie: | Please serve the chicken! |
| James: | Ya ... |
| Miss Sophie: | That looks a very fine bird! |
| James: | That's a lovely chu ... chuk ... chicken, that I'll tell you, a lovely ... |
| Miss Sophie: | I think we'll have champagne with the bird! |
| James: | Champagne, ya... Sssssame, same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | The same procedure as every year, James! |
| James: | Sophie, me gal ... |
| Miss Sophie: | Admiral von Schneider! |
| James: | Must I, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | James! |
| James: | Schkolll! |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Pommeroy! |
| James: | Happy New Year, Sophie, gal... |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Winterbottom! |
| James: | It's one of the nicest little woman... hic... one of the nicest little woman, that's ever breathed, that's ever breathed... I now declare this bazaar opened! Would you like some fruit? |
| Miss Sophie: | I think we'll have port with the fruit! |
| James: | Oh, ... no! S...ame procedure as last... |
| Miss Sophie: | Yes, the same procedure as last year, James! |
| James: | ..............................!!! |
| Miss Sophie: | Sir Toby! |
| James: | Sugar in the morning, sugar... |
| Miss Sophie: | Admiral von Schneider! |
| James: | Schkolll! |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Pommoroy! |
| James: | I'm sorry, Madam, sorry. |
| Miss Sophie: | Mr. Winterbottom! |
| James: | Huuuhhh, I'll kill that cat! |
| Miss Sophie: | Well, James, it's been a wonderful party! |
| James: | Well, it's been most enjoyable. |
| Miss Sophie: | I think I'll retire. |
| James: | You're going to bed? |
| Miss Sophie: | Yes. |
| James: | Sit down, I'll give you a hand up, Madam. |
| Miss Sophie: | As I was saying, I'll retire... |
| James: | Ya... ya. By the way, the same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie? |
| Miss Sophie: | The same procedure as every year James! |
| James: | Well, I'll do my very best! |
Detailansicht | Kommentar verfassen
Four volt - Two watt
Autor: unbekannt
Personen: Kunde, Verkäufer
| Darsteller(in) | Text |
|---|---|
| Kunde: | Do you have a four volt, two watt light bulb? |
| Verkäufer: | For what? |
| Kunde: | No, two. |
| Verkäufer: | To what … |
| Kunde: | Yes. |
| Verkäufer: | No. |
| Kunde: | Thank you. Goodbye. |
| Verkäufer: | Goodbye. |
Detailansicht | Kommentar verfassen
Ordering Pizza 2050
| Darsteller(in) | Text |
|---|---|
| Operator: | Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your … |
| Customer: | Hi, I'd like to order. |
| Operator: | May I have your NIDN first, sir? |
| Customer: | My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610. |
| Operator: | Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1752 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2399. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir? |
| Customer: | Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information? |
| Operator: | We're wired into the system, sir. |
| Customer: | (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas … |
| Operator: | I don't think that's a good idea, sir. |
| Customer: | Whaddya mean? |
| Operator: | Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice. |
| Customer: | Dang. What do you recommend, then? |
| Operator: | You might try our low-fat Soybean Yoghurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it. |
| Customer: | What makes you think I'd like something like that? |
| Operator: | Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion. |
| Customer: | All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What's the damage? |
| Operator: | That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The 'damage', as you put it, heh, heh, comes to $49.99. |
| Customer: | Lemme give you my credit card number. |
| Operator: | I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit. |
| Customer: | I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here. |
| Operator: | That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn. |
| Customer: | Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take? |
| Operator: | We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward. |
| Customer: | How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike? |
| Operator: | It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using it. |
| Customer: | @#%/$@&?#! |
| Operator: | I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop. |
| Customer: | (Speechless) |
| Operator: | Will there be anything else, sir? |
| Customer: | No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas. |
| Operator: | I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. |
Detailansicht | Kommentar verfassen
The heart operation
(a patient comes into the doctor's office)
| Darsteller(in) | Text |
|---|---|
| Doctor: | Good day Mr. Meier, which is missing to them? |
| Patient: | Ohh, know them I have so terrible fear of that heart OI. |
| Doctor: | They do not need to have really no fear, it can anything pass. |
| Patient: | Are they also completely safe itself? |
| Doctor: | Naturally, I accomplished the interference already 68 times! |
| Patient: | Then I can hope thus.... |
| Doctor: | Well, surely sometime it must fold times, not? |
Detailansicht | Kommentar verfassen
Zwei Deutsche in London
| Darsteller(in) | Text |
|---|---|
| A: | Hello, Sir! How goes it you? |
| B: | Oh, thank you for the afterquestion. |
| A: | Are you already long here? |
| B: | No, first a pair days. I'm not out London. |
| A: | Thunderweather, that overrushes me, you see not so out. |
| B: | That can yes beforecome. But now what other: My hairs stood to mountains as I the traffic saw. So much cars gives it here. |
| A: | You are heavy on the woodway if you believe that in London horsedroveworks go. |
| B: | Will we now drink a beer? My throat is outdried. But look, there is a guesthouse, let us there man go! |
| A: | That is a good idea. Equal goes it loose, I will only my shoeband close. |
| B: | Here we are. Make me please the door open. |
| A: | But there is a beforehangingcastle, the economy is to. How sorry! Then I will go back to the hotel, it is already retard. On againsee! |
| B: | Oh, yes, I will too go. I must become my draught to Bristol. Auf Wiedersehen! |
| A: | Nanu, sie sind Deutscher? |
| B: | Ja, sie auch? Das wundert mich aber. Ihr Englisch ist so hervorragend, dass ich es gar nicht bemerkt habe… |
Detailansicht | Kommentar verfassen